A Secret Noodle

The doctor looked up from his clipboard then called my name. I was up. She led us to the examination room.

"Wait in here, Dr. So-and-so will be in in a minute."

I sat on the sterile, crinkly paper on the table in the examination room, and looked at my mom, " I feel like an idiot."

" I would hope so" was all she said.

Well then...

Finally the doctor came in.

"So what brings you in here this evening?"

I look at my mom for support, or a better answer than the truth, or something. She just raised her eyebrows.

"Well....Umm... there's a ccrertete ien aea serrr.."

"I'm sorry, what?"

" A knewfettinekfmy"

"Hmmm?"

" A noodle in my ear... Like a spaghetti noodle. Uncooked. It's...yeah, its in there." I pointed to my ear.

I don't know what I was expecting.
 I thought maybe he'd just throw down his stethoscope and walk out mumbling about all the idiots who come into his office, and how if he hadn't gone to medical school he wouldn't have to deal  with kids shoving foreign objects in their heads. He could have made millions off his new cereal brand and happily lived out his life on the ski slopes. But no.

*blank face* "....Well let's have a look then. Yup it's in their alright. Punctured your eardrum too."
"brilliant."

He informed me that I would have to let my ear heal before they took it out. I would have to spend almost a week with a noodle in my ear. A noodle. In my ear.

For those who have never experienced shoving an uncooked spaghetti noodle in your ear (which I'm guessing is most everyone) it's pretty painful. Well not all the time. Mostly when you burp. Yep. Burp. Isn't that weird. It doesn't even hurt to sneeze.

Kids at school probably wondered why I'd occasionally cringe after burping. Or why I constantly snapped my fingers by my left ear. Just making sure I can still hear.

You didn't tell anyone?

No. No I didn't. You see, I'm a pretty open person. I don't have many secrets of my own. I'm working on being more mysterious. And what's more mysterious than a secret noodle in my ear? Huh?

....Nothing.

Escape Into Life

These were some of my favorites. To check out more art by Matheus Lopes and others click HERE

P@ PERRY

  As I was walking through the internet, I stumbled over the artwork  of Pat Perry...

Joseph and Custer

The high note

There I was; Dozing in the single's ward sacrament meeting in Laramie, Wyoming. Before resting my head on the pew in front of me, I had checked the hymns that we were supposed to sing, and decided I'd wake up long enough to sing them.
"Mmm-hmmm. Pretty good line-up I'd say" I said to my sister Kylee as I shut the hymn book and resumed my nap.
The first few went well I woke up after the talks and I even got the harmonies going. wooo! they were good.
THEN: Carry On.
Oh baby. I just remember one time in my own ward, something musta been in the sacrament water because when we sang that song: We. really. sang.
My family usually sits in the back of the church with the crying babies, snoring husbands, and toddlers throwing cheerios and crayons, so we don't hear too much singing from the people around us. But on that Sunday there was not a voice in the chapel that wasn't belting it out.
"AND WE HEARD THE DESERT SINGING CARRY ON CARRY ON CARRY ON!!!..."
except it sounded better than that... probably, depending on how you made it sound in your head.

Well anyway this lady behind us was singing along. sing sing sing when the last line came, and the last note of the last line sounds kinda like this;

Well she nailed it. Really it was good. She also gives voice lessons to kids in the ward so I guess that makes sense.
And while I was in that Laramie church building I decided to go for that note. To Mariah Carey the shiz outta it.
Here it comes:
"CARRY ON CARRY ON CAR-RY......OOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!"





and it sounded how this looks:

Well needless to say I screwed that up. The guy in the pew in front of us even turned around. (jerk) just kidding I do that to sometimes. Just turn around and give them this look like "what are you doing?" and shake your head. As they go quiet and close the hymn book. "leave it to the choir buddy."
But that guys dissaproving look didn't stop me. NO NOT I. errr.. NAY NOT I. I went for that note again. AND THIS TTIIIMMEE...

It ended the same way.

Music

I've discovered songs and music have the ability to preserve memories. Well I guess I didn't discover it. I'm pretty sure most people would know what I'm talking about.
You put your ipod on shuffle and a song comes on that you haven't heard in forever then alla sudden you're back snowboarding, or on a car ride, or remembering something that happened the moment you were listening to that song.
 Here are a few memories that some songs have preserved for me:
Ambling Alp by Yeasayer- reminds me of a car ride to my little sisters softball game. I remember the treehouse I saw when the chorus first started. I remember being paraniod the whole ride. Looking for yellow cars because I was in the middle seat and my siblings were playing Bingo and I didn't want to be punched again. I looked for cars even after they had fallen asleep.
Passion Pit- reminds me of my first year on the Crew team. Haha! of making coach Henrikson mad and being punished with 100 jumpies. and of climbing on the roof of the shed and having Philip tell us how things were done in Romania
Cat Stevens- probably contains the most memories. Sneaking into a junkyard near the mouth of the canyon with Aspen and later Josh and Andrew. Boating with those same friends. Wandering through the Mountains playing Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer. Oh good times! I'm smiling right now...Another Saturday Night reminds me of a car ride back from Josh's house. I don't remember what we'd been doing but I remember the car ride and the road we were on.
Space Man by The Killers - Reminds me of a HUGE pow day two seasons ago. Snowboarding with Aspen and trying frontflips. Then later taking our boards off to sled on them and watching mine slide down the mountain without me... Oh baby! Bob Marley is a part of that whole season too. It was a good season.
Call Your Girlfriend by Robyn was the theme song of the week I spent in Bear Lake at Nicole's Cabin. We played it no less than... ONEBILLIONTIMES.
Patterns by Simon and Garfunkel- brings back the time I spent doing drivers ed at Brighton. Of the kid who said he liked the beads in my hair. And of the girl who did observations with me and looked like Adele.
Fur Elise- reminds me of this pink music box I had that I decorated with tweety bird stickers. I think Fur Elise is the only song to ever make me cry. And I don't even know why. I remember sitting in the big green chair in my living room and listening and crying. I was a weird kid.
These are just the ones that come to me right on the spot and well, I could go on forever. But I won't. I could probably go through the playlists on my Ipod and write books on the memories they bring back.  All those memories come to my head everytime I hear them. Sometimes I even save them; I only listen to the songs on rare occasions because I don't want the memories to be replaced. 
Some songs are only for certain times.

Self-portrait

overheard at the snuffer house

These are things you may hear if you ever stop by my house:
- you wanna know why I'm so mad!? number one: buttsweat, number two.... number five: buttsweat. Butt sweat is both number one and five...
- all right, faith-off right now!!
- I call butt-crack!
- God would totally babysit for a hooker
- Lettuce pray, celery pray, tomato pray
-I had a perfectly good reason to pee on you; you peed on me!!!
- we gotta climb things! we gotta jump offa stuff!!
-  a-bomb-in-a-bowl, Abominable
-Waterrrr you doing?
- oh, that's where my pants went..
- just swallow your pride and bubble!
-It's a good thing I can be so freakin' mean and you guys just laugh. I don't know, maybe you're just too dumb to feel..
- one bite, I bet you can't eat that in one bite.
- Guys shhh!...you smell that?
- My left hand is so good at catching what my right hand drops, and my right hand is so good at catching what my mouth drops.
- Is that a challenge?!
-you think you know me (usually followed by: "I knew you were going to say that")
- Wait,  I couldn't hear my eyes were closed.
- I can't wait till you grow up
- Don't sing when I'm singing
- ok so, kylee plus a locker room, divided by a bad smell...
- That's it! I quit this family
- I just want to put a diaper on my head
- Carson, be fair, and let Regan punch you one more time
- Often times I just open my mouth and hope something brilliant comes out
- I'm so freaking good at swimming. I could go to the Olypmics
- yeah all my friends- I gotta stop saying that. They are NOT my friends. So the people I go to school with....
-Nope. This is awful. If anything I just dumped water on the rekindling love...

I'll recover, butt it'll take time.

You know when you hug someone and your cheeks touch? Or you whisper a secret to someone and they brush? Or imagine an old black and white movie with classy ladies in fancy dresses and white gloves dancing with men in tuxedos with roses in their pockets while music comes from the record player and they are dancing so close they're dancing cheek to cheek.. okay got that image?

Now. Replace the face cheeks with butt ones. And instead of classy music and men, imagine being on the ground with dirty sweaty people and BUTT cheeks on your head. BUTT CHEEKS.

Eww gross Lindsay. Why would you have me imagine that?

Well because... because I lived it.

Herewego.

Yo Jeannie wanna go to Band of Horses tonight?
Fo sho!

Jeannie and I arrive, pay the five bucks for our tickets and promptly push our way to the front of the crowd.
"Excuse me, sorry ,sorry pardon me Ma'am.... or was that a sir?...."
 Ah hah! Finally we made it! Front of the pack! Best seats in the house except I accidentally keep touching this guys butt and I'm sweating a little bit. Okay alotta bit. really sweaty. And the girl next to me (what is she twelve?) is smoking up a storm and blowing it right in my face. "AAAHHHH... why why why?..."
No but it's fine. yeah I'm here for the music... I'm here for the music.

Then, the music starts. Wow! All a sudden I was floating in a sea of bodies. Literally floating! Not crowd surfing but my feet were not in contact with the ground as the people around me pushed and spun and swirled. We were so jam packed.  The tide was threatening to take my shoes. Then it actually DID take my shoes.

"Jeannie my shoes! My shoes are falling off!!!"
"Wha?!?.."

As I struggled to wiggle my shoes back on, drowning in the sea of bodies, I fell.

Suddenly there was no light.I could just see Jeannie through the crowd of people.  She was also on the ground. There was no sky just legs and feet and bodies everywhere. Oh and a butt. On my head. A butt. YOU GET IT PEOPLE?!? BUTT CHEEKS ON MY CRANIUM!!!

This Lady was having a sit on my head!!! Go on, have a sit, have a sit on my head...

Umm, excuse me Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice you look awfully tired and are probably in need of a stool, since there are no stools around, care to sit on my head? Here I'll just make my way to the ground for you...*bends down*

No! That just doesn't happen. I never offered my head and face as a resting place for that lady.

My thoughts during the incident:
I'm going to die!!! I never knew people could die this way, butt now I know...good bye. good bye....

My funeral:
"At least she died doing what she loved..."
"And what was that, exactly?"
" Oh ,she was sat on. Her head was sat upon.."
" And she enjoyed that? she liked having her head-"
"Just shhh! There's nothing else to say okay?! She. Was. SAT. On...and killed."

Luckily I survived though.Who knew Jeannie's keeper skills would have been exactly what I needed at that moment? She took those huge butt cheeks and, with all her might, heaved them off of my head. Thanks man, I owe my life to you.
  I'm expected to make a full recovery by the way. Physically at least.
"Emotionally," the doctor said, "You're scarred for life."


To see this story    From Jeannie's view Click here.


 

Meet Mordecai

 Say hello to Mordecai, who recently joined the family. We've become roomates he and I. He likes hanging out on my book basket and eating the cookies I left for him.
I first met Mordecai while mowing the lawn a few days ago. He hopped out (hopped because he can't fly) from under the pine tree, and onto my deck. I spent the next bloody hour trying to catch him...
I won't go into detail on that but, long story short, he got away. I was sure that he was a goner then. And that the neighborhood cats would've eaten him. But:
A few days later a few girls from my neighborhood brought him to me in a box. So while I don't get to cross "catch a bird" off my bucket list and I don't know how long he's staying, he's here for the time being.

SHUT DOWN!!!

 The Universe just looves to shut me down. I know what you're thinkin' Lindsay, *puts hand on shoulder* we all feel that way sometimes but we just have to learn to pick ourselves back up. .
 But Seriously. There I am at what seems the high point of my existence thinkin' : I couldn't possibly be any happier/more excited/cooler/ Then *BOOM* or *CRUNCH* or *THUD* or *SCREAM* or (whatever sound affect goes with it) I'm back down again. Mood = killed.
Here's an example: (one of many)
My  friends Portia, Aspen, Jeannie, and I all had plans to go to Old Mill. This creepy run down old mill (thus the name) and just explore. ya know, just for kicks. Well we wanted to go when it was dark so as to maximize our experience.BUT since the whole area is surrounded by chainlink fence we were scouting out our entry route during the day. And whilst we were doing that we sounded something like this:
"We're so cool. Honestly I've never met anyone cooler than us."
"Totally. We're so brave too. We should sleep here one night, just to prove how cool and brave we are."
And other things were said.  Our egos were getting pretty big.
Then all a sudden we see a snake!!! A HUUUUGE 20 ft 500lb monster!!! It's body as thick as my waist!! Just snakin' its way out of the broken window of the old mill!!!!!!


Just kidding. It was a tiny six inch little garder snake that slithered, ever so quickly, across our path. But for the way we reacted it could have been that massive python.I think I may have even peed a little. DON'T...repeat that.


Well needless to say that snake, and the universe, pretty much proved how "brave" we were. I guess it's good it keeps me humble. To some extent... But at the same time...

Really Universe? Ya couldn't just let it pass? Just this once?


Universe: *in a voice like thunder* NO!.... SHUT DOWNNNN!...


And this is only one of many examples I could give. Tune in later for more.

Poser Productions

Thanks to my friend Aspen our stop motion film we made back in ninth grade made it to the big leagues!!All sound is attributed to her.
 It will be in theaters soon. This is only a trailer.
  One of the best gifts I've received without a doubt. Thanks buddy!

House of Bouncing

My sister Regan and I were lucky enough just to come across a bounce house on our bike ride. Just run right into it!! One second I'm just riding along then the next BAM! We were just about to pass the church park when out of the corner of my eye there it was: this big, beautiful, colorful, inflatable, house of fun.
Me: oh my! a bounce house!!! *veers sharply to the left* 
When we arrived at the house of bouncing we discovered that this bounce house had WATERGUNS on it!! like FULL-ON turrets with warning labels and everything."DO NOT shoot at eyes or face." AND a water slide into a little pool.
 How neat is that?!? 
That's pretty neat.

ME: DUUUUDDE...let's play on it! *scramble up* Oh my, who just leaves a bounce house here!?!Come on let's play. I bet you're glad you came on this bike ride now. Come up here! Come on! Get in there!!! Get in there and see how fun it is!!!
REGAN: aaahhh... I'm still kinda tired...
ME: WHAAAAT?!? Okay.... how many people when they stumble upon a bounce house whilst on a bike ride, would say 'Ahhhh, I'm kinda tired'? (Sorry I had to put that in here Regan but it's the truth. You weren't sold on the idea of playing on it.)
REGAN: Shut up.
ME: Saweeet!!! Lets set it up!
 There were all sort of tubes and whatnot that hooked to velcro along the edges of it and sprayed water down the slide and into the pool ,and out the water guns. We searched for a good fifteen minutes for the water valve. We found one, but the water had been shut off. So we opened another irrigation box and I turned a bunch of knobs.
ME: Okay, you stay here and turn this dial and I'll go over there and turn these knobs and if any water comes you yell
REGAN: mmmmkay.
ME: *turn first knob* Anything?
REGAN: No
ME: How about now?
REGAN : Nope
ME: Now?
 REGAN: Still nope
ME: Hoover dam! There has to be another box somewhere.


There bloody wasn't. Excuse my language my European friends. :)
Well there was only one solution: TO BRING IT HOME.

ME: That's it. We let's just take it home
REGAN: *uncertain look*
ME: We'll bring it back in the morning... (as I unhook all the stakes and turn the fan off.)Well go on, help me deflate it. Then we'll roll it up like a parachute and take it home
REGAN: What the parents think when they come home to a bounce house in the front yard?
ME: It will be funny. hehehe! Just a Giant bounce house on our lawn... It'll be a great story to tell!
REGAN: well then we should set it up in the backyard.
ME: Oh right right.. good thinkin'.


So we began to deflate it and roll it up. The thing still had water in it so it added like FIFTY extra bounds I swear. We were halfway through the job when: duh duh duh <- intimidating music, A truck entered the church parking lot!


REGAN: LINDSAY ITS A TRUCK, RUN!!!


I turned and grabbed my bike and ran for the pine trees near the brick wall surrounding the church and the field. I looked back to see three men getting out of the truck.

ME: WELL GRAB YOUR BIKE!!!


I had dropped my bike behind the first pine tree and kept running towards the ones twenty feet further that were pressed up against the wall.
Regan crashed through the pine needles seconds after me. She had been seen!

ME: quick! jump on my back!
I knelt down as she jumped on my back and over the wall. Then quickly scrambled up and over after her.
On the other side we both fell on the concrete and just laughed. We had almost gotten away with it. Stupid. We shouldn't have hesitated.
I consider this a learning experience. Next time: no hesitation. I'll just unhook the fan and deflate that sucker. Also I'll be careful to take it home the back way. Whichever way that is. Because even if Regan and I had had it deflated and bundled up, the truck would have run into us on our way out of the parking lot. How embarrassing would that have been? Very, that's how. 
(Men in truck: What are you doing with our bounce house? Us: Uhhh....What bounce house?) Very subtle.


We watched from the neighborhood next to the church as the men packed it up.
You're Welcome!!!  WE ONLY DID HALF YOUR JOB FOR YOU!!
We decided to run around back through our neighborhood and wait for them by the exit to the parking lot. Just to be funny.
They pulled up as we were just lounging on the grass by the flagpole real casual-like. When they pulled up I waved all friendly. They pulled up and unrolled their windows. Ooooh no.
"So, those your bikes?"
"Maybe..."
"They look real fun."
"mmmhhmm....
WE WERE GOING TO RETURN IT!!"

They just laughed as they drove away.
So there it is folks. Learn from our mistake. Don't hesitate. Just DO THINGS and THRILL PEOPLE. 








If you would like to hear this same story from Regan's perspective go here rsnuffer.blogspot.com
 









 
  

LAKE POWELL

I pretty much killed myself watching this video. Over and over and over and over again... I don't know why I like to torture myself. but since I can't get to Powell I might as well watch someone else having fun there. Here's the link if you'd like to go through the same thing I did.
...Oh what's that? you've been to Lake Powell? you own a house boat there? And you'd like to invite ME?!?
stop it. it's just too much to handle...
Powellooza 2011 on Vimeo

ENJOY.

Katie's Present

My friend Katie's birf (birthday) is coming up real soon, and in honor of that special day she requested I paint her a picture like I did for Aspen. These are the two I found that she likes. I can't say which I'm doing because it has to be a surprise and I'm sure she reads my blog like everyday. (haha).
Because it's her birthday I won't charge her but seriously these paint supplies are EX-PEN-SIVE. Even with  coupons , my wallet is lookin' awful skinny. But I'm not complaining. no no. I like painting.
I have my set up by the back door and get to just blast music.

You listen to Tycho? I didn't, but now I do. Here try some you'll love it.

BE STUPID

"Be stupid, but not too stupid. Be just dumb enough that the line between impossible and possible gets blurry."

Junior year is over!!! It went by so fast it's just crazy *sigh* Welp. enough riminiscing did I spell that right? whaaaatt eevverrr summer has begun!!!...began? what is it? <-see i'm already losing my education. A sure sign summer is here.

 You know that commercial where the boy gets out of the pool and shakes his head to get water out of his ear and math facts and words fall out? and a vioce says " children can lose up to two months of what they learned during the school year throughout the summer months, get it back with Sylvan learning center where we work for you!! One call that's all! give experience a try." it's some tutoring center advertisement. Anyway that's me. I wake up in the morning and find physics equations on my pillow. and when I blow my nose ,history comes out and all my english clogs the drain...it's only a matter of time before my heads empty and this stuff won't be a problem anymore. It'll be filled with biking, swimming, frisbee, soccer, sunshine, chalk drawings, stars, longboards, boating, tanlines, drinking from the hose, and you know all that summer stuff and i'll probably forget cursive too. 

Well I don't have a picture or nothing but I'll leave you with this bit of advice:

Check out Blind Pilot's new album We Are The Tide. and enjoy it. now. go on. check it ch-check it out.

cottage in the woods

The other day I looked outside and saw an awesome sunset, so grabbed my camera "da do dodo"( <- sound of me grabbing my camera) and went to take a picture. Long story short they were really crappy. but I got these. Sorry i couldnt rotate the first two so just look at them like this (:
It kinda looks like a house out of a fairytale rather than just my shed in my backyard.

TRASH DAY!!!

It's that time of year again, when piles of old junk appear outside houses on the side of the road. Ripped couches with stuffing hanging out , smashed TV sets, and broken cabinets are just a few of the treasures found in these jackpots. My friend and I the past two years have really capitalized on the stuff just laying out in the road. Old dining room sets, toilets, couches, hockey sticks, scrap wood, I mean really "It's amazing what these Who's just throw away!!!" in the words of the Grinch.  our finds last year you ask? old drapes ,i think they were anyway , when cut into strips they made really nice bows. I mean it. I don't know what I used the bows for but that's irrelevant and irrelephant. And a few other items I won't bother you with. This year we topped that by a mile! A leather couch and an old tv set used to furnish our awesome fort... It's a shame our transportation didn't fit that theater system...

my make-do studio

 By the time this Memorial Day weekend is over I'll have spent the majority of it holed up in my house painting. My stereo and paintbrush were all the company I needed plus the sweet sounds of my friends Paul Simon and Buddy Holly.

my first oil painting

My first complete oil painting. I promised my friend back in December I'd paint her a picture of an elephant for her birthday. It only took me what, five months to finally get around to it? It still needs a few finishing touches but overall I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.