I'll recover, butt it'll take time.

You know when you hug someone and your cheeks touch? Or you whisper a secret to someone and they brush? Or imagine an old black and white movie with classy ladies in fancy dresses and white gloves dancing with men in tuxedos with roses in their pockets while music comes from the record player and they are dancing so close they're dancing cheek to cheek.. okay got that image?

Now. Replace the face cheeks with butt ones. And instead of classy music and men, imagine being on the ground with dirty sweaty people and BUTT cheeks on your head. BUTT CHEEKS.

Eww gross Lindsay. Why would you have me imagine that?

Well because... because I lived it.

Herewego.

Yo Jeannie wanna go to Band of Horses tonight?
Fo sho!

Jeannie and I arrive, pay the five bucks for our tickets and promptly push our way to the front of the crowd.
"Excuse me, sorry ,sorry pardon me Ma'am.... or was that a sir?...."
 Ah hah! Finally we made it! Front of the pack! Best seats in the house except I accidentally keep touching this guys butt and I'm sweating a little bit. Okay alotta bit. really sweaty. And the girl next to me (what is she twelve?) is smoking up a storm and blowing it right in my face. "AAAHHHH... why why why?..."
No but it's fine. yeah I'm here for the music... I'm here for the music.

Then, the music starts. Wow! All a sudden I was floating in a sea of bodies. Literally floating! Not crowd surfing but my feet were not in contact with the ground as the people around me pushed and spun and swirled. We were so jam packed.  The tide was threatening to take my shoes. Then it actually DID take my shoes.

"Jeannie my shoes! My shoes are falling off!!!"
"Wha?!?.."

As I struggled to wiggle my shoes back on, drowning in the sea of bodies, I fell.

Suddenly there was no light.I could just see Jeannie through the crowd of people.  She was also on the ground. There was no sky just legs and feet and bodies everywhere. Oh and a butt. On my head. A butt. YOU GET IT PEOPLE?!? BUTT CHEEKS ON MY CRANIUM!!!

This Lady was having a sit on my head!!! Go on, have a sit, have a sit on my head...

Umm, excuse me Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice you look awfully tired and are probably in need of a stool, since there are no stools around, care to sit on my head? Here I'll just make my way to the ground for you...*bends down*

No! That just doesn't happen. I never offered my head and face as a resting place for that lady.

My thoughts during the incident:
I'm going to die!!! I never knew people could die this way, butt now I know...good bye. good bye....

My funeral:
"At least she died doing what she loved..."
"And what was that, exactly?"
" Oh ,she was sat on. Her head was sat upon.."
" And she enjoyed that? she liked having her head-"
"Just shhh! There's nothing else to say okay?! She. Was. SAT. On...and killed."

Luckily I survived though.Who knew Jeannie's keeper skills would have been exactly what I needed at that moment? She took those huge butt cheeks and, with all her might, heaved them off of my head. Thanks man, I owe my life to you.
  I'm expected to make a full recovery by the way. Physically at least.
"Emotionally," the doctor said, "You're scarred for life."


To see this story    From Jeannie's view Click here.