I'll recover, butt it'll take time.

You know when you hug someone and your cheeks touch? Or you whisper a secret to someone and they brush? Or imagine an old black and white movie with classy ladies in fancy dresses and white gloves dancing with men in tuxedos with roses in their pockets while music comes from the record player and they are dancing so close they're dancing cheek to cheek.. okay got that image?

Now. Replace the face cheeks with butt ones. And instead of classy music and men, imagine being on the ground with dirty sweaty people and BUTT cheeks on your head. BUTT CHEEKS.

Eww gross Lindsay. Why would you have me imagine that?

Well because... because I lived it.

Herewego.

Yo Jeannie wanna go to Band of Horses tonight?
Fo sho!

Jeannie and I arrive, pay the five bucks for our tickets and promptly push our way to the front of the crowd.
"Excuse me, sorry ,sorry pardon me Ma'am.... or was that a sir?...."
 Ah hah! Finally we made it! Front of the pack! Best seats in the house except I accidentally keep touching this guys butt and I'm sweating a little bit. Okay alotta bit. really sweaty. And the girl next to me (what is she twelve?) is smoking up a storm and blowing it right in my face. "AAAHHHH... why why why?..."
No but it's fine. yeah I'm here for the music... I'm here for the music.

Then, the music starts. Wow! All a sudden I was floating in a sea of bodies. Literally floating! Not crowd surfing but my feet were not in contact with the ground as the people around me pushed and spun and swirled. We were so jam packed.  The tide was threatening to take my shoes. Then it actually DID take my shoes.

"Jeannie my shoes! My shoes are falling off!!!"
"Wha?!?.."

As I struggled to wiggle my shoes back on, drowning in the sea of bodies, I fell.

Suddenly there was no light.I could just see Jeannie through the crowd of people.  She was also on the ground. There was no sky just legs and feet and bodies everywhere. Oh and a butt. On my head. A butt. YOU GET IT PEOPLE?!? BUTT CHEEKS ON MY CRANIUM!!!

This Lady was having a sit on my head!!! Go on, have a sit, have a sit on my head...

Umm, excuse me Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice you look awfully tired and are probably in need of a stool, since there are no stools around, care to sit on my head? Here I'll just make my way to the ground for you...*bends down*

No! That just doesn't happen. I never offered my head and face as a resting place for that lady.

My thoughts during the incident:
I'm going to die!!! I never knew people could die this way, butt now I know...good bye. good bye....

My funeral:
"At least she died doing what she loved..."
"And what was that, exactly?"
" Oh ,she was sat on. Her head was sat upon.."
" And she enjoyed that? she liked having her head-"
"Just shhh! There's nothing else to say okay?! She. Was. SAT. On...and killed."

Luckily I survived though.Who knew Jeannie's keeper skills would have been exactly what I needed at that moment? She took those huge butt cheeks and, with all her might, heaved them off of my head. Thanks man, I owe my life to you.
  I'm expected to make a full recovery by the way. Physically at least.
"Emotionally," the doctor said, "You're scarred for life."


To see this story    From Jeannie's view Click here.


 

Meet Mordecai

 Say hello to Mordecai, who recently joined the family. We've become roomates he and I. He likes hanging out on my book basket and eating the cookies I left for him.
I first met Mordecai while mowing the lawn a few days ago. He hopped out (hopped because he can't fly) from under the pine tree, and onto my deck. I spent the next bloody hour trying to catch him...
I won't go into detail on that but, long story short, he got away. I was sure that he was a goner then. And that the neighborhood cats would've eaten him. But:
A few days later a few girls from my neighborhood brought him to me in a box. So while I don't get to cross "catch a bird" off my bucket list and I don't know how long he's staying, he's here for the time being.

SHUT DOWN!!!

 The Universe just looves to shut me down. I know what you're thinkin' Lindsay, *puts hand on shoulder* we all feel that way sometimes but we just have to learn to pick ourselves back up. .
 But Seriously. There I am at what seems the high point of my existence thinkin' : I couldn't possibly be any happier/more excited/cooler/ Then *BOOM* or *CRUNCH* or *THUD* or *SCREAM* or (whatever sound affect goes with it) I'm back down again. Mood = killed.
Here's an example: (one of many)
My  friends Portia, Aspen, Jeannie, and I all had plans to go to Old Mill. This creepy run down old mill (thus the name) and just explore. ya know, just for kicks. Well we wanted to go when it was dark so as to maximize our experience.BUT since the whole area is surrounded by chainlink fence we were scouting out our entry route during the day. And whilst we were doing that we sounded something like this:
"We're so cool. Honestly I've never met anyone cooler than us."
"Totally. We're so brave too. We should sleep here one night, just to prove how cool and brave we are."
And other things were said.  Our egos were getting pretty big.
Then all a sudden we see a snake!!! A HUUUUGE 20 ft 500lb monster!!! It's body as thick as my waist!! Just snakin' its way out of the broken window of the old mill!!!!!!


Just kidding. It was a tiny six inch little garder snake that slithered, ever so quickly, across our path. But for the way we reacted it could have been that massive python.I think I may have even peed a little. DON'T...repeat that.


Well needless to say that snake, and the universe, pretty much proved how "brave" we were. I guess it's good it keeps me humble. To some extent... But at the same time...

Really Universe? Ya couldn't just let it pass? Just this once?


Universe: *in a voice like thunder* NO!.... SHUT DOWNNNN!...


And this is only one of many examples I could give. Tune in later for more.

Poser Productions

Thanks to my friend Aspen our stop motion film we made back in ninth grade made it to the big leagues!!All sound is attributed to her.
 It will be in theaters soon. This is only a trailer.
  One of the best gifts I've received without a doubt. Thanks buddy!