How To Talk To Your Sister*

She will speed into your driveway while you are drawing with chalk. She will run past you

without looking at you, even though you haven’t seen each other in years.

After she emerges teary eyed from your parents room, she will stop to visit, but not before she goes to her truck and comes out with gifts. A calendar and a teddy bear for you and toe rings for your other sisters. The conversation will be meaningless and awkward. When she leaves you will tell her you love her she will laugh and say goodbye. You used the calendar but felt bad because you knew it was meant to buy your love or forgiveness. Are they really all that different? And you were giving them for free. You’re in debt now.

Months later, just after Christmas, the phone rings and you answer. It’s her. You tell her what you got because she asks. After an awkward silence you ask about her Christmas. “Oh it was great!” She says a little too loudly. And you wonder if she is going to cry. She describes all her gifts in detail. And you think of a Lie to Me episode where they said criminals will be over-descriptive in an effort to convince someone of a lie. But you hope she had a good Christmas anyway. After you hang up, you tell your mother to mail her pictures of all of us.

The school year has ended. The phone rings and you check the caller ID then continue to pour your cereal for dinner.

You’re downtown with friends headed to dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Before entering you realize you are close to where your sister lives. You think about how your friends aren’t even aware that you share blood with someone who lives within a two mile radius of here. You think about how some of them might not even know who have a sister.  You remember the ignored call from months before and feel guilty. “I’ll be in in a minute.” You’re friends go on ahead.  You wander around the block not sure really what you are looking for but get scared by a homeless person and quickly return to the restaurant. Your friends have already ordered. You sit and watch them eat.

When you get home that night you ask your parents if they have heard from her lately.

“She lives in Nevada now with Some Man.” They said “Some Man” as though that was his name.

“Oh.” Nevada? Some Man?

When summer rolls around again after your junior year your family takes an RV trip across the

states. Welcome to Nevada. You wonder who would willingly live here. There is nothing to look at but

wind. You are playing cards on the table with your brother which is extremely difficult because the draw pile keeps moving around. You notice the air becomes tighter. It is as though everyone’s thoughts and emotions became tinier. And you remember; your sister lives here with that man named Some. But no one says anything. You wonder if she can feel her family passing by, whether sharing blood holds more power than you realize.

You remember a book you read where a Mother received a letter informing her that her son had

died in war overseas. Despite her family’s acceptance of his death, she continued to believe he was alive until one day, months later, she felt what she described as a tiny burst in her heart as though the shadow of her heart leapt, and she knew then that he was dead. Journal entries and hidden writings in a POW camp confirmed that he had died the day the Mother was gardening. What is there to say? How do you talk to your sister?

*This is an imitation of How To Talk To A Hunter by Pam Houston

Also, sorry about the funky format; I couldn't change it.