How I Contemplated The Future From The Passenger Seat of a Honda*

I. Characters

Me: 

            Seventeen years old and worried about the indifference I feel toward college and the future in general. It's coming. I can't stop it. So I will wait. Maybe it will slam into me like a brick wall or sweep me up and spin me in an embrace. The kind you give a friend you haven't seen in a while.  Or it will pass by me like a fog. I will move through it, and it, around me. My feet are up on the dashboard, burning under the fleece blanket on my lap but too content to move it. I ask my mom when fart jokes stopped being funny to her, because when that day comes for me I want out. I'm done.

My Mom:

            I am sitting around my friends kitchen table, senior year is winding down, and we are telling each other where we see each other in ten years. "Married with a medical degree." "Working with kids and loving it." "Lindsay, you... you'll just be your mom." Me: Surprised at how glad I am to hear that.

II. Events

-Arrive at Treasure Valley College, which at first glance is neither a valley nor a treasure. I look around campus and wish I could pack all my friends in a bag and bring them here. Everything is wet and desolate. I comment on the small buildings and overall French fry smell in the air. We leave and both think "no".
-Arrive at North Idaho College, there is not much activity. It's Saturday and campus has been abandoned. A sign on the wall offers courses in sailing, skiing, surfing, climbing, and biking. I could deal with this. Yes, I could deal with this. I go to the dock area that borders one side of campus, and touch the water. It's freezing.
Could I see myself living here?
Yes.
-Arrive at University of Portland. There are beautiful flowers and people here. It overlooks the ugliest bay area I have ever seen. Maybe the only real bay area I've seen. Could I see myself living and learning here? Yes, but I can't. Leave singing If I were a rich girl da-da da da da-da da....
-Arrive at Southwestern Community College. At first I dislike it, but decide to walk around campus anyway. The bathrooms have powdered soap. I could convince myself to like it here. I could do anything for two years. Leave and think I'm hungry. 
-Arrive at Shasta College. We drive in, through, and out of town into the wilderness. The campus looks somewhat like a campground. I go to the bathroom and am surprised to see flushing toilets. We spot two cats lounging around. They probably live of squirrels. Leave.

III. Borders and In-betweens

-It takes the average person seven minutes to fall asleep. Why is it we never remember falling asleep? Possibly because passing that threshold would be too much like death, and death is off-limits. More women die of heart disease than men.
-Welcome to Oregon, Welcome to Idaho, Welcome to Oregon, Welcome to Washington, Welcome to Oregon, Welcome to California, Welcome to Nevada, Welcome Home.
-A river runs and stands still along the road. Which way is it flowing? If we all lived in the moment, we would all exist for eternity, countless eternities.
-Does moss only grow on the North side of a tree?

Why are you lost?

Not in that way. No I was just wondering. And you texted me from the future.

If anything significant happens I'll be sure to let you know. 

Thank you. So does it?

Technically you texted me from my future and your present. Is that a metaphor? What about when you said you didn't want to get too close to the edge? What about when you asked me if your light was dimming?

-We travelled the same direction as a car across the Colombia River. Together and separate. When the road led them behind hills I searched, I would not blink, until I watched them emerge from the other side. I wanted to see the instant our paths separated, and wondered if they carried a passenger who was looking, unblinkingly back at me. 

-Also: kite-boarders. (Pun intended).

IV. Thoughts:

- It's "Un-attatchment" that allows us to move forward. "Un-attatchment" from friends, family, past, present, possessions, everything. Once we let them go, we have more room for love...Love, love, love is all you need. If you love me let me go. 

- "I think if you died- I mean, yeah I'd miss you...but I could get over it."

"Yeah? I feel the same way."

V. It's like they knew.

"Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Say yes to one and let the other one slide.

It's not often easy and not often kind.

Did you ever have to make up your mind?"

                 -Lovin' Spoonful

"Yeah when I was only seventeen

 I could hear the angels whispering 

So I drove into the woods 

And wandered aimlessly about..."

               -Blitzen Trapper

"Time hurries on, and the leaves that are green..." Oregon is green.

                -Simon and Garfunkel

"What's my name, what's my station?

Oh, just tell me what I should do...

If I know only one thing, it's that everything that I see

Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak"

                  - Fleet Foxes

*Based on Joyce Carol Oates short story: How I Contemplated the World from the Detroit House of Correction and Began My Life Over Again. You can find it in her book Wheel of love.